Relationships

So after my last blog (!) I've had an emotionally charged weekend and HECTIC day today. It's been sorted, I am neutral! My emotions have shut down temporarily. It's better that way. The students who care for me deeply (especially one young lady) are very worried about my lack of interest at the moment. But, it seems we are on a road to recovery......

So over the last few days, I have been faced with relationship problems: not my own! It's funny how we screw up our relationships with our partners from the word go. A manual needs to be written. Should come standard with each birth. Detailing how to start a relationship with a potential life partner. It should cover a few things:

1. Don't pretend to be something you're not
2. Don't do everything your potential partner wants, sacrificing your own needs in the process
3. Don't forget your friends
4. Don't tell your potential partner intimate details of your family life (esp about your parents). Let him/her make up their own mind.
5. Don't lie
6. Don't EVER take the 5th amendment. Talk to your potential partner.
7. Don't EVER assume anything!

Why is it that our tolerance level drops the moment we commit to our partners. When we are courting, we are patient and kind, we hear each other out, we support with love and tenderness. Once the relationship has been established it becomes: He should freakin know what I'm feeling by now! Are you bloody stupid? Do it yourself, I'm busy! Shut up! You haven't changed!!!!

The last is my favourite! Why do we want to change our partners? It's the differences we see in them that attract us to them in the first place. Then there's the other side of the coin: the woman who becomes a carbon copy of her husband. How dare he!

Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person. (Wayne Dyer)

What happened to loving me for me. Why are we more tolerant of our friends' shortcomings than those of our partners? I have no answers. Just questions. 

I have found that in my relationship with my partner (of 12 years), communication is the key. We make a point of chatting in bed EVERY NIGHT for at least thirty minutes. I love him, he loves me. We need to know what's happening in each other's lives, how we respond to situations and what the partner thinks of our actions. We need to make an effort to know our partners well. They are evolving all the time, and we need to stay up to date. 

Fluit, fluit my storie is uit....