So I believe in love.... There, I said it! I believe in unconditional love between two human beings, but that's not what I wanna write about. I wanna explore the love between friends. The kind that does not allow our judgmental natures to interfere with the love we share. I find that kind of love can be as painful as the first I mentioned:
Why do we expect so much from our friends? Or rather, why do I expect so much from my friends. I give myself COMPLETELY, holding nothing back. When I'm hurt, insecure, angry, feeling fat, whatever....I tell my friend. When I've done something good (or bad), my friend is the first to know! When I need to bitch about K, well, you get the idea. I love that he accepts me and allows me to be my truest insecure self. He knows when to just listen, when to give advice, and when to hold me. I love that he can be all of this for me.
Why then will he not allow me to be all of this for him. I was thinking today, and realised that I know nothing of the intimate relationship he shares with his partner. Realised that when he needs comfort, he just deals with it himself, doesn't tell me. I know his personality and habits better than anyone, but know no details!
So does this make me selfish? The fact that I get to offload when I need it? Or is he the selfish one? Unwilling to share? What does this say about our relationship? Is a friendship not about sharing with each other, or have I got it all wrong? Is this really love, or just convenience? Anything but Lonely - the title of an Andrew Lloyd Weber tune - am I just a substitue for solitude?
I'm feeling baie insecure tonight mense. Any advice, input, insight would be GREATLY appreciated. You cannot comment here, but feel free to write on my wall on FB or inbox me.
Love......well I think it is........
No comments:
Post a Comment