It's funny how divorce brings such separation.....
Sounds like a silly comment, but really, it isn't. We broke up: the TWO of us - and yet everybody in our lives believe they need to take sides!
I got a phonecall from my ex on Sunday. The first time we have made contact in months. I missed the call - I was in the shower - but called back as soon as I saw he had called. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect a "wow, I'm so surprised to hear from you" tone. I was returning the call! And then I got a "so why haven't you called?" I smsed more than once, there was no acknowledgement. I then assumed that all ties were to be cut. Fair assumption I thought. NO. I emailed, not wanting to invade or disturb. Next question: "why must you email me?"
I have realised that after a divorce, things are going to be difficult between the divorcees. Our relationship (obviously) is terribly strained. Shortly after I moved out, one of our mutual friends said to me that I had so many people in my life. That I had ones to talk to. That I had a support system. That he had nobody! How wrong you are my love! My friends are a pillar of strength and support. My students are the same. The people who we both liked and visited (many of them family) have surrounded him with love and affirmation. It's beautiful! But I miss them......
The phonecall ended amiacably (I hope that's a word). But I was terribly disturbed after, and I couldn't calm myself down - neither could Shaun. So I did what I usually do when I am emotional or distressed: I called Pappa! Thank God for Pappa! Shaun called me Daddy's girl. He's right! In the past, whenever I needed reassurance, support, advice or just a shoulder to cry on, I'd call Pappa! He saved my life the night I nearly died of heart failure. I was sick, and was gonna stay in bed till the morning. I called him at 3am. He made me promise to go to the emergency room RIGHT AWAY! Following morning the doctor said that an hour later I may very well have died!!!
I called my Pappa! He spoke to me, telling me exactly how the world works for him. How he feels about his extended family, about his immediate family. He explained to me that he could not expect me to react the same way that he did because I was a different person. He made me laugh, he made me feel safe to cry. I told him my fears, my feelings, my insecurities.....again...... Now I'm not saying that Pappa fixed everything! But after I spoke to him, I got up, got dressed and Shaun and I went to watch Cappricio at Cinema Nouveau.
So the point of this blog? I don't really know! Two things! Don't choose sides WITHOUT hearing both sides of the story! I have a version of what happened, he has a version of what happened. Both our stories are TRUE! Mel spent time with both of us..... funny how my friends are willing to see him..... Moenie vir my afskryf sonder om met my te praat nie, dis kak daai. Secondly: don't ever underestimate the power of Daddy! When the shit hits the fan, Pappa will always be in my corner - to moer the N@@!&R who threw the shit onto the fan in the first place......
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Lemons....
I got BUBBLES back today. He's been sick.... He took us all the way to Somerset East and back to Cape Town, and then went on a 6 week holiday! New petrol pump, and he's back!!!! I know that my Bubbles is old, rusty, unpredictable and slow..... But very little compares to the thrill of driving on the N1 in your OWN car.... It's a GREAT feeling.....
Great things have happened since I last blogged.... After all the sadness and difficulties faced due to the changes I have chosen to make in my life, things are looking UP! I am closer to my brothers and my parents than I ever thought I would be. Today I saw my 2 year old niece: in the past, my nieces and nephews hardly KNEW me. Mika jumps up and down with delight whenever Shaun and I see her. Today she would not leave him alone. She took him by the hand and led him through the house! We both had to promise that we were just going to my brother's house for a little while and that we were returning straight away before she would let us go. We then arrived at George's (my brother's) place and Jesse lay himself across my lap! It's AMAZING! In the past they would just say hi and leave me alone....
The last 2 weeks have been really special. I spent the week of the 9th in East london adjudicating the East London Eisteddfod. While I was there, I performed: 3 performances in total. 1 Classical performance and 2 performances of My Grand (ma se) Piano. The Classical Concert included myself, Lidia Tzoneva (a teacher at one of the high schools in East London) and Shirley Corrigan (the woman in charge of organising the eisteddfod). My singing teacher from UCT was my fellow adjudicator - so she attended the concert! I was KAK scared. It's the first time she's heard me sing in about 9 years. She was so proud of me! I'm all teary-eyed just thinking of it....
It was Shaun's birthday on Monday.... We went to the theatre a few times this week as part of the celebration. One of the shows I took him to was David Kramer's Breyani. It's the second time I've seen it. AMAZING! We went to watch the Pro Cantu Youth Choir tonight (thanks for the tickets Chloe). It's the first time I've been to see them. It was a BEAUTIFUL and very uplifting experience.
So what's that thing about life giving you lemons??? We don't all have the ability to make lemonade! It seems though, that if you just wait patiently and continue doing what is good and right for yourself and (more importantly) those around you, life will turn those lemons into lemonade for you.....
Great things have happened since I last blogged.... After all the sadness and difficulties faced due to the changes I have chosen to make in my life, things are looking UP! I am closer to my brothers and my parents than I ever thought I would be. Today I saw my 2 year old niece: in the past, my nieces and nephews hardly KNEW me. Mika jumps up and down with delight whenever Shaun and I see her. Today she would not leave him alone. She took him by the hand and led him through the house! We both had to promise that we were just going to my brother's house for a little while and that we were returning straight away before she would let us go. We then arrived at George's (my brother's) place and Jesse lay himself across my lap! It's AMAZING! In the past they would just say hi and leave me alone....
The last 2 weeks have been really special. I spent the week of the 9th in East london adjudicating the East London Eisteddfod. While I was there, I performed: 3 performances in total. 1 Classical performance and 2 performances of My Grand (ma se) Piano. The Classical Concert included myself, Lidia Tzoneva (a teacher at one of the high schools in East London) and Shirley Corrigan (the woman in charge of organising the eisteddfod). My singing teacher from UCT was my fellow adjudicator - so she attended the concert! I was KAK scared. It's the first time she's heard me sing in about 9 years. She was so proud of me! I'm all teary-eyed just thinking of it....
It was Shaun's birthday on Monday.... We went to the theatre a few times this week as part of the celebration. One of the shows I took him to was David Kramer's Breyani. It's the second time I've seen it. AMAZING! We went to watch the Pro Cantu Youth Choir tonight (thanks for the tickets Chloe). It's the first time I've been to see them. It was a BEAUTIFUL and very uplifting experience.
So what's that thing about life giving you lemons??? We don't all have the ability to make lemonade! It seems though, that if you just wait patiently and continue doing what is good and right for yourself and (more importantly) those around you, life will turn those lemons into lemonade for you.....
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