It's funny how divorce brings such separation.....
Sounds like a silly comment, but really, it isn't. We broke up: the TWO of us - and yet everybody in our lives believe they need to take sides!
I got a phonecall from my ex on Sunday. The first time we have made contact in months. I missed the call - I was in the shower - but called back as soon as I saw he had called. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect a "wow, I'm so surprised to hear from you" tone. I was returning the call! And then I got a "so why haven't you called?" I smsed more than once, there was no acknowledgement. I then assumed that all ties were to be cut. Fair assumption I thought. NO. I emailed, not wanting to invade or disturb. Next question: "why must you email me?"
I have realised that after a divorce, things are going to be difficult between the divorcees. Our relationship (obviously) is terribly strained. Shortly after I moved out, one of our mutual friends said to me that I had so many people in my life. That I had ones to talk to. That I had a support system. That he had nobody! How wrong you are my love! My friends are a pillar of strength and support. My students are the same. The people who we both liked and visited (many of them family) have surrounded him with love and affirmation. It's beautiful! But I miss them......
The phonecall ended amiacably (I hope that's a word). But I was terribly disturbed after, and I couldn't calm myself down - neither could Shaun. So I did what I usually do when I am emotional or distressed: I called Pappa! Thank God for Pappa! Shaun called me Daddy's girl. He's right! In the past, whenever I needed reassurance, support, advice or just a shoulder to cry on, I'd call Pappa! He saved my life the night I nearly died of heart failure. I was sick, and was gonna stay in bed till the morning. I called him at 3am. He made me promise to go to the emergency room RIGHT AWAY! Following morning the doctor said that an hour later I may very well have died!!!
I called my Pappa! He spoke to me, telling me exactly how the world works for him. How he feels about his extended family, about his immediate family. He explained to me that he could not expect me to react the same way that he did because I was a different person. He made me laugh, he made me feel safe to cry. I told him my fears, my feelings, my insecurities.....again...... Now I'm not saying that Pappa fixed everything! But after I spoke to him, I got up, got dressed and Shaun and I went to watch Cappricio at Cinema Nouveau.
So the point of this blog? I don't really know! Two things! Don't choose sides WITHOUT hearing both sides of the story! I have a version of what happened, he has a version of what happened. Both our stories are TRUE! Mel spent time with both of us..... funny how my friends are willing to see him..... Moenie vir my afskryf sonder om met my te praat nie, dis kak daai. Secondly: don't ever underestimate the power of Daddy! When the shit hits the fan, Pappa will always be in my corner - to moer the N@@!&R who threw the shit onto the fan in the first place......
Ever considerd writing on a regular basis? You definately have the flair for it, and the colourfull language, that only a true South African can really understand, lol. I never knew my father, and eventhough I've made several attempts, his either not interested, or busy with his own little family and life. But I bear no grudges, because I've got a fantastic mom, family and friends. I read your blogs from the start, and you've, dare I say, "grown" and been through alot, which has in turn, made you stronger. Thank God for parents, because without them, we would not be, literally!!
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