It is 00:23 in South Africa on Sunday the 5th August. I cannot sleep! Now usually when I cannot sleep I am frustrated and angry because I am tired. This morning it is quite a pleasant experience. I cannot sleep because I am NOT tired. I actually rested this week. Rest: such a strange feeling! I had to first be "oopgevlek soos 'n snoek" (my GP's words after seeing the wound from the surgery) before I took any rest, but I rested. This morning (actually, yesterday morning) I slept till after 10!!!! I have not done that in years. Shaun got up to start the Saturday morning ritual of cleaning our flat, and I stayed in bed for another 3 hours!
For those who read my previous blog: an update. Public hospitals don't really bother with care after an operation hey. I discovered (the morning after my op) that the wound was just left open. No stitching, nothing. On opening my hospital bag, I found that one of the nurses put a big pad thing in my bag. One big pad thing to dress the wound with. They told me to wash 3 times a day with salt water. That was it...
First day at home (Tuesday) I did as they said, and dressed it with this big pad thing that I cut up. I was NOT HAPPY! I made an appointment with my amazing GP for Wednesday afternoon. I was worried about caring for this gaping hole, infection, going to the loo!!!! He settled me. Had a look, dressed the thing properly, showed Shaun how to do the dressing, and sent me to Wynberg Pharmacy to go and buy dressing to aid in the healing. Mense! Dressing, ointment and a foam ring to sit on do NOT come cheap! I maar swiped my credit card and closed my eyes!
I have had to accept the fact that I am a DIFFICULT PATIENT! My Mom, Dad and brothers keep reminding me how lucky I am to have Shaun. I AM! He has the patience of a loving mother. I bitch, moan, cry, worry, stress, am irrational.... This week's experience has made me terribly vulnerable and scared. When I tell him this, his response to me is: Come and be scared with me. This is usually accompanied by outstretched arms with the promise of a warm embrace...
What have I learned from this experience? There is no reason to hide! I have been walking around for months with this BIG secret! When I went to hospital, only my immediate family, 2 friends, my boss, Shaun and his mom knew what I was going in for. It was horrible having all these people wish me well for an op I would not speak about. I really feel liberated. It is true, the truth shall set you free!
Fluit, fluit my storie is uit, en hopelik slaap ek nou!!!
