"I Am Changing"

I sang at a funeral again today: my aunt (dad's eldest sister) was buried. It's funny, I enjoy singing at funerals. Sounds a bit sick, I know, but it's an occasion where the singer can actually DO something for the people attending - especially if it's a family funeral. I am (often) given the opportunity to help console the grief-stricken family and friends of people who have passed on. I sang I'll Walk With God. It was one of my aunt's favourite hymns.

So this is the first funeral I have sung at since I started emoting as a singer. It was difficult. I also make an effort to CONNECT with the audience everytime I sing now. In order to connect with the audience, you must LOOK at the audience! The congregation today was slightly biased: they were ALL family! So when I started singing, and connecting to the front row (my late aunt's children), and all the head's dropped and the tissues came out...... I felt like a GIRL!!!! Now I pride myself on the fact that, as a singer, I can zone out and do my job under any circumstance. I stopped myself short of crying a few times! It felt good.... After, Keith's mom came to me and said: "My kind, jy sing vir Auntie altyd mooi, en Auntie huil aanhou as jy sing, maar vandag het jy beter gesing as ooit tevore." So there is some method to this feeling stuff madness after all! I think.....

My search for happiness has lead me to start exploring my relationships with the people closest to me! Thank the pope that I have so many people in my life that most of you will not know who I am referring to when I speak about them! PHEW!!!! I have found that I am distancing myself more and more from people who have different beliefs/morals to me. I used to think that even if we were completely different our tolerance of each other would make our friendships work. I don't know about you guys, but for me.....NO! I'm discovering that those people are just BAD for my spirit. Because we believe that DIFFERENT things are important to us, what I find important gets cheapened and ignored!!!

I'm also finding that I'm being drawn to different people. People who were in my life before, but who I never noticed because of my lack of being present emotionally before. These relationships are growing and blossoming, and soon they will bear fruit! It's so good to get to know people: disregarding where they come from, what they do, how old they are..... No judgement, just acceptance! Mutual acceptance!!

Unfortunately, there has been MUCH weeding! People who are toxic to me must GO! Thank God we all have different intolerance levels to different toxins. I cannot understand how other people get along with my weeds, but it makes me happy to see that one mans bread is another man's poison. As hurt as I am by these toxic relationships, I still hate to see people alone or unhappy. Which brings me to a rather difficult point: what about the people who I perceive as weeds who see me as a beautiful rose? Do I keep those relationships alive???? Keeping those alive kill me, but weeding these would kill the other person..... Any ideas?

On a lighter note!!! I'm another pants size down. I'm lovin it!!!

That's all folks!