Happiness...

So I figure that many people are out there searching for happiness! I typed the words "true happiness" into google, and was flooded with articles, books, advice.... I decided to have a quick look at what people say about the pursuit of happiness... The one word that kept on popping up in all these articles was "contentment". So let me google that. That's a fuck up, they use the word "content" to describe "happy" and vice versa. Another definition here is "satisfaction". Let's google that! "Content" pops up here too! Dammit!!!

Okay. So the wonderful web is just screwing me around! So I'm just gonna make sense of it myself!

I know many people who are content. They live in their big fancy houses, with their hot husbands, beautiful children, expensive cars, fancy friends, money! They are seen as being succesful... So maybe I should look at what success is! It (obviously) differs! For the broke young widow (with kids) it may be a loving, caring, gentle, settled middle class man. They get married, she is content - especially when you look at what may have become of  her had she not found him. For the poor young boy success may be the ability to qualify for and buy a car. I could go on and give you many more examples, but you get my drift. So success should then lead to happiness? Yes? Maybe?

The problem is that that broke young widow gets married and is not broke and stressed anymore. She adjusts to her new life, children are sorted, hubby amazing, life goes on. She is content! For how long though? Don't we all seek excitement? Don't we want something in our lives that EXCITES us? She is content, and google says that "content", "happy" and "success" go together! So she's then also succesful and happy. YES!

Contentment: I don't know about you, but for me being content and being happy are not one and the same. The word "content" makes me think of settling and compromise. It's like when the popular girl from school marries tha ugly nerd, because then she will have security! Forget that BEFORE she married mister boring, she was FUN, OUTGOING, VIBRANT.... She's living in her beautiful home in Sandton. Tea with all the other coogirls! Labels, massages, overseas holidays..... Success!!! Chances are she's F%$#@!G the gardener for a bit of excitement! But don't worry, I'm content!

So (obviously) I don't like that word. SUCCESS: I don't wanna spend too much time exploring this one! But if I need to sit in ONE more room where grown people behave like the kids on that KFC ad! You know, the one where they tell teacher about their holiday. It all sounds so GRAND! Then a little boy gets up and says he had KFC during his holiday, and the girl with the bushy hair cannot better it. I LOVE that ad. But I hate when grown ups behave like that!!!

Happiness:
So what is happiness then? I've done the content thing, I'm living the success thing! I have discovered that in order for me to be happy, I must LIVE! I must FEEL (pain and pleasure)! I must EXPLORE! I must DANCE and MOVE! Now when I was merely content, I switched off my emotions. I felt pleasure (a little bit), avoided pain (i wasn't feeling) and I accepted that life was going to work, cleaning house, shopping and visiting other "content" people!

So now i have become an emotional rollercoaster, but I am ALIVE! I am finally brave enough to take my life back! So what if it doesn't look right when a big man like me shakes his ass on the dance floor? FUCK YOU very much actually! There are people who truly LOVE me. They want me to do that! And to those of you who think it is wrong: I don't need you! My life, MY RULES! There is a good chance that this is the only one I get, and only I know how to make it a GOOD ONE!

So. I feel like this was all a bit childish! But, I am VERY child-like! And a part of me does not want to publish it! But another part says FUCKIT! This is how I feel!