Maak jou hart SKOON!

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, 

who would you call and what would you say?  

And why are you waiting?  

~Stephen Levine

I just stumbled upon this quote right now! WOW! It's the and why are you waiting that really gets to me! My students would say they have no airtime! I know who I would call - and I have already. This quote still makes me think of all the unsettled business I have just left hanging though. You know, through the years we screw up relationships with people (often because of our insecurities or social standing) that we never resolve. We just leave those.......hanging.......

I make that sound so innocent. It's not! There have been a few relationships that I have messed up over the years. Relationships that may have developed into meaningful friendships, but that had NO chance of surviving because of MY shortcomings. Now if only I had just let those go.... But I didn't.... You see, when you're student age your reputation and image are VERY important. So with me, whenever a meaningful relationship came to an end, I had to badmouth that person to save face with my pals. I can't believe I just admitted to that!!! YOR! And the closer the broken relationship was, the more I had to make MYSELF look like the innocent party! I can't believe I just admitted to that either! Having FINALLY admitted to all of that, I have ALOT of fixing up to do THIS WEEK! SHITE!!!

Now the reason for admitting the above is simple. I work at a college with people of student age. Many of them do the exact same thing! When I was a student, I felt that my actions were justified. THEY WERE NOT! I felt that I was the only person who did that sort of thing. I WAS NOT! I thought there were no consequences to my actions. THERE WERE FOR THE PEOPLE I LIED ABOUT! 

SHOO!!!!

So what now? There is only one thing to do! I will make a list of all the people I have wronged, find them and make ammends - if they will let me! SHOOO!!!!!! This is gonna be tough! The affected person should SURELY have the right to choose how things can be fixed - that is if they can be fixed at all.... SHOOOO!!!! I'm suddenly starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. But this has to be done. How can I go through life happily knowing that there are people who may still be hurting because of me?!?! Another SSHHOOOOO!!!!!! It's gonna be difficult...... But I MUST do this! Many people disagree with my morals (yes I have some!), but this is an important step for me. I cannot do justice to my current relationships if I am still lying to myself about my past ones! Yor, this list is LONG!!!!

So who would I call? I know EXACTLY who I would call...... I love you!

But it seems I have more than one phonecall still left to me (I got alot of airtime), so I must start calling....today! I will keep you updated.

And if you're one of those people with whom I need to make ammends, please be brave enough to tell me. I have a filthy mouth and vulgar habits, but a good heart. I want to make right.