It's something I've seen before, but never really thought about...
Shaun and I have been together for nearly five years now! Yet I still find myself looking at my previous relationship: searching for answers. My past often comes up when I have my weekly heart-to-heart chats with my parents. The three of us are constantly looking for answers in my past: answers that might explain the relationships I have had to give up (and my parents too because they love me and support my decisions). There are nights when we can contemplate nothing else. My (very) protective and amazing mother sometimes gets so emotional that Pappa and I steer the conversation in a completely different direction.
I believe these conversations are necessary not only for myself, but them. They seek closure for the twelve years of my life that I didn't have heart-to-heart conversations with them - well, except for that time I wrote off someone else's car, and that other time when I nearly died from a heart problem. I just want to spend time with my inspirational parents, and make up for the years that I have lost. Time that I gave up willingly, and without a fight. That is the past...
...all that matters is where you are going...
Since Shaun and I found each other, my life is going in a whole different direction. We are (slowly but surely) building a future (that neither of us thought was possible) along with our parents. We see my parents more because they live in Cape Town, but when Mummy and Daddy are in town, Mamma and Pappa know where we will be. We watch (and admire) each other's growth professionally, and are both amazed at the way other people tell us that they are inspired by us. Old friendships, new friendships, re-kindled friendships, our children and a kick-ass choir keep us busy on the personal front.
One of the most special parts of our relationship is that we are growing together spiritually. Both of us are Christians and decided it was important to worship together. Shaun came over to the Anglican church. Don't get me wrong, we don't always agree on our interpretation of the bible, but we are figuring it out together. We have found a spiritual home at Christ Church Constantia: a Christian community that loves us as a unit. There was a moment at church last year that I will never forget, and that I am eternally grateful for. Sunday 13th July 2014 at the end of the 9:15 service: we had gotten married on the 5th July, and only informed everybody of our union on the 6th July. When we went back to church for the first time on the 13th, the leadership congratulated us and presented us with a wedding gift during the mass. WOW!
To (try and) summarise my thoughts this morning: both Shaun and I have made many mistakes in our past. Not just little things, but BIG OBVIOUS wrongs that the whole world knew was JUST WRONG from the moment we started them. Justifying bad decisions is just futile - yet it is something we all do. Rather than put it down as silliness, we explain our state of mind and situation at the time to everybody that will lend us an ear.
It doesn't matter where you are coming from; all that matters is where you are going.
To me, this doesn't mean that we must forget the past, or never speak about it. Sometimes we pretend that the past never happened. When we do this, it often comes back to bite us in the @*$%. There are lessons for us all to learn from our pasts. The necessary change is just a little adjustment: turn your focus away from the path you have walked, and focus on the path that lies ahead.
One of the most special parts of our relationship is that we are growing together spiritually. Both of us are Christians and decided it was important to worship together. Shaun came over to the Anglican church. Don't get me wrong, we don't always agree on our interpretation of the bible, but we are figuring it out together. We have found a spiritual home at Christ Church Constantia: a Christian community that loves us as a unit. There was a moment at church last year that I will never forget, and that I am eternally grateful for. Sunday 13th July 2014 at the end of the 9:15 service: we had gotten married on the 5th July, and only informed everybody of our union on the 6th July. When we went back to church for the first time on the 13th, the leadership congratulated us and presented us with a wedding gift during the mass. WOW!
To (try and) summarise my thoughts this morning: both Shaun and I have made many mistakes in our past. Not just little things, but BIG OBVIOUS wrongs that the whole world knew was JUST WRONG from the moment we started them. Justifying bad decisions is just futile - yet it is something we all do. Rather than put it down as silliness, we explain our state of mind and situation at the time to everybody that will lend us an ear.
It doesn't matter where you are coming from; all that matters is where you are going.
To me, this doesn't mean that we must forget the past, or never speak about it. Sometimes we pretend that the past never happened. When we do this, it often comes back to bite us in the @*$%. There are lessons for us all to learn from our pasts. The necessary change is just a little adjustment: turn your focus away from the path you have walked, and focus on the path that lies ahead.
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