TRUTH

So I am back. I have spent all this time contemplating what to do about my blog. Freedom of expression is way too important to me. So I am back.....

I have never really spoken plainly about my life here. Always assumed that everybody knew who and what I was. Just to fill you all in. At the age of 20 I entered a relationship with a man 15 years my senior. I stayed in this relationship for nearly 13 years. That is it as far as my old life goes. I cannot reveal too much about it, because it hurts the people who were part of my life. These people from my past are the reason I deleted this blog for a while. One more thing I will say about my old relationship: when I left he told me that the only way to be free  and to grow is to tell the truth: the whole sordid truth. I did. Here. There were consequences.....

"...ek het rondgeloop..." This is a quote from one of my previous blogs. This is what he was speaking about when I left. He told me I had to tell my family about the fact that I was unfaithful. I told my mom, dad and siblings. It was not easy for Dad to hear. He told me that there are certain things you just don't do. Mom knew about it. She told me I did it. My brothers said nothing. So I mentioned it here......

Ai tog!!!!!!! I have cousins who read this blog. One of them told my aunts that this blog is a place where I reveal intimate details about my sexual life in order to attract men to have "good times" with. They also told them that I say horrible things about my ex! I have read and re-read all my posts. This analysis of my blog was based on the previous quote. The complete sentence was: "Ek was 'n naai, ek het rongeloop." So this one sentence where I reveal MY SINS has alienated my family from me. I deleted this blog after chatting to an aunt (who had never read it) and seeing how much pain it caused. She has since read the blog. My mom and dad went to visit her the other day. She told them that of their 5 sons, 2 of them are good men: my deceased brother, and the 2nd born. So I'm not a good man.....

After this judgement, I realised that they would never see anything other than what they want to see. My blog would make no difference to their opinions of me - whether it existed or not. So I have brought it all back.

I was told to tell the truth. I will! The truth about me!

I am Jeremy Quickfall. A 33 year old gay man who grew up in the Cape Flats in Cape Town. My dad Ernest is a priest. He's retired, but my daddy is a PRIEST! A MAN OF GOD. I love him and I am proud of him. My mom is a MOTHER! No fancy title. A MOTHER!!! She will do ANYTHING for ANY OF HER CHILDREN. And she has the 5 of us, but so many more. There are young and old men and women from my youth who still call MY MOMMY "MAMMA". I love my mother and I am proud of her. I have 4 brothers, one of them in Heaven. When I was kicked out of the only home I had known as an adult (you told me to tell the truth), my mommy, my daddy and my brothers took me in. Mark moved out of his bedroom in his house for me. He lived in the lounge for 3 months. I love my brothers, their wives/girlfriends and their children, and I am proud to call them my siblings.

I am Jeremy Quickfall, and I am in love with Shaun Klaasen. I have committed myself to him completely. He is my soulmate, my best friend...... My intention is to spend my life with him.

THIS IS THE TRUTH, and I was told that THE TRUTH WOULD SET ME FREE

It's the little things....

It really is funny how everything in life just works out if we wait hey. I remember when we were growing up my dad (the priest remember) once gave a sermon about asking God for things. He said that there always is an answer: yes, no or wait. When you're a child, this bit of information is really not useful. Wait???? But when you grow up.......

I think this may be one of the most important lessons I have ever learned. When the time is right..... One such example is my current job. I was asked to apply for this job 3 years before I got it. I did not apply! It was my own fear and insecurity that prevented me from sending in that CV. In those 3 years that my predecessor taught here, I did A Handful of Keys. This iconic show changed my life. I learnt how to perform!!! Before the show I was SHITE! The show also taught me that music (especially the performance side) could be, and was meant to be fun! If I had started working at the Theatre College in 2004, my entire approach to teaching and (dare I say) mentoring would have been different. I would have destroyed personalities in the search for perfection!!! I understood about the voice then, but not about people. Whether you believe in a divinity, the goodness of nature or fate....... Everything happens at the right time......

I got a new mattress yesterday! A huge, heavy mother of a mattress. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, my back (which had been killing me for the past few weeks) was not sore at all, and my headache (that had been there since Sunday) had miraculously disappeared! A mattress..... I picked a R6 000 mattress up for R2 000 - NEW!!!! I'm telling you guys - if you do good.....

Now I've just opened a new can of worms..... Good? Who decides what is good or bad? There are quite a number of people who would argue that I do not do good - and from the outside it probably seems that way at times. But I can confidently say that I always do my best, and that I do WHATEVER I can for WHOEVER despite how I feel about them! Shit, I sound like an angel! I'M NOT!!! There are people who I have wronged - we cannot always get it right!

Shaun is taking my mom to the movies today! I'm all emotional now! He's taking her to see Il trovatore. The little things! It really is not a biggie, but it means so much to me...... I must stop crying now, I have a student arriving in 5 mins. It really is just that little bit extra that just makes us feel that we're special hey. Cindy and Terence cooking us dinner. Chloe venting with me when I need it. Robyn walking in every morning to check how I am. Shelani's hugs. Sven taking me to SPAR to get lunch..... These things don't take much effort, but DAMN they make me feel good about myself.

I must go, gotta teach.......